When I was about 12, I belonged to a group of friends in my class. We would go out every day after school to play outdoors and goof around. We had each other from the group, but we also had that one special friend that we would hang around with more – our bestie.
My bestie was the school principal's daughter. I remember one day she told me that she was going for a school trip, and I was so excited about it because obviously we would go together, right? I immediately told my mum, and she tried to book me in. As it turned out, I couldn’t go because this trip was organized for the children of teachers only in our region. We are talking here about post-communistic times in Poland, where some factions were still openly treated better, at least to them.
So, I had my best friend going away without me. Other kids in my group were unavailable while my best friend was away. I was left alone, abandoned, rejected.
I felt ashamed that my parents were not good enough to have privileges. I wasn’t ashamed of my parents; I was ashamed for myself for being rejected because to me, “I wasn’t special enough”!
What a heartbreak it was – tears, lack of understanding, that obviously I am different, worse. That others are allowed to have fun, and I can’t, only because my mum or dad are not teachers. Also, I was asking myself how my best friend could do that to me, how she could leave me behind, how she could go there and have fun without me?
Literally, nothing was ever the same. I carried that sense of abandonment until adulthood. It played out in my life many times. I just didn’t feel that I belonged anywhere. I often would reach for less because I didn’t believe I am good enough, and that included my education, work, and friendships too. I thought that if I reached for less than at least I wouldn’t be rejected, and how wrong I was…
During teenage years, young adults go through enormous amounts of adaptive processes. Teenagers are in this mental stage of adaptation into the world. Their “self” is being built, their sense of “who am I” is being shaped; group belonging is crucial at this stage of life. Emotionally, my teenage mind was at its peak of experiencing life in very high amplitudes (that’s the psychology of human biological/mental growth, we all went through this period). Absolutely everything that happened during our teenage years was emotionally on the edge, all good and bad. Can you remember?
So, as you can see, this in some way trivial situation has created a pattern in me that I could easily follow till the end of my days if I wasn’t conscious enough. This abandonment programming is within the majority of people, if not all. I have been fortunate to heal this because I realized that something wasn’t right, and I decided to dig. I followed my gut, my instinct.
If you are not living your dream, or you are simply not courageous enough to reach out for them, then maybe you are also being run by some unrealized beliefs.
I have been able to guide my clients to find their core beliefs and to clear them with some powerful techniques so that they could live a happier and more fulfilling life. Thank you to all of you that trusted me.
The abandonment programming pattern is so close to my heart that I decided to specialize in this field. If any part of my own story resonated with you and you felt ever a tiny bit emotional, then you too carry within yourself the imprint of abandonment.
Many blessings
Żania
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